Monday, September 28, 2009

Blue Wednesday

I'm not a demanding husband. I know how this sounds--defensive, unscrupulous, smarmy. But it's true. I love my wife and want to see her wave-shredding skills showcased on the best board possible.
This is why certain measures were taken a few weeks ago. Measures that would usher her into a new realm of wave-riding delights. Measures that she might resist at first but, ultimately, be welcomed as liberating.
Measures that would ensure the retirement of her beloved 8'0.
Not her beloved 8'0
You see, my lovely wife is a God-awful surfboard customer. She has ordered an average of one board every 3.33 years in the ten years we have known each other. Not bad for the recreational surfer, but pitiable for someone married to a dude who spends 20+ hours a week up to his nipples in foam dust.
And none of her orders stick. Here's the rundown.
Board: 80's style swallowtail thruster.
Purpose: commissioned for trip to mainland Mexico.
Report: two sessions at El Rancho. Loved it. Sold it the day after we got back.
Source of Dissatisfaction: color was 'too green.'

Board: 8'0 mini longboard.
Purpose: to replace older 8'0 mini longboard (at shaper's insistence).
Report: who knows? Someone picking up another board from the house loved hers, so she sold it on the spot.
Source of Dissatisfaction: none. "He was nice," she said of the gentleman who bought it.

Board: Contemporary quad shortboard.
Purpose: to replace her long-sold 80's swallowtail thruster (see above).
Report: fun .
Source of Dissatisfaction: pregnancy.

This is why, several weeks ago, measures were taken. A board was shaped, then glassed. It was presented (gently!) to my loving wife after a Bud Light and a glass of local zinfandel (her favorite combo). It was received with a sigh and a certain flattening of the lips. These were interpreted as signs of success.
So far, so good.
It currently rests, unmolested, in the upstairs bedroom (we have limited surfboard storage space). Curing. Waiting. Avoiding inspection by two-year-old hands. Keeping a low profile.
We'll keep you posted.


Surfsister said...

Give my your address. I'd buy that in a heartbeat. I'm sure your wife will sell it to me, telling you later, "because I liked her hair".

That thing is sweet!

HeadHighGlassy said...

Surfsis, I'm glad my wife doesn't read this blog. Your hair and spring suit fashion sense would make your offer irresistible. That, and you could kick my ass with your bionic knee if I intervened...

Surfsister said...

We're both guilty of talking about our spouses . . . neither of whom reads our respective blogs. Thank god for that!

pranaglider said...

too green!

I'll be chuckling for weeks


Anonymous said...

what are the dimensions?
close to the beloved 8'0"?

HeadHighGlassy said...

Pretty close to the beloved 8'0, with a few shavings here and there. This one's 7'10x21.75x2.75. Them's northcoast all 'rounder dimensions.