Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Cult of the Curve

Last Wednesday, scientists unveiled a 35,000 year old carving believed to be the world’s oldest known sculpture of the human form. The ivory figure, found in fragments in a German cave, depicts a woman whose exaggerated features (the Associated Press deemed the sculpture ‘busty’) are curvier than a roomful of shoestring fries.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: straight lines offer little sensual satisfaction to the human mind. Curves are a whole different story. As evidence, I give you Larry Bird’s legs.
There are very few websites dedicated to Larry Bird’s legs. Larry Bird will never have to insure his legs in case something dreadful should happen to them.
On the other hand, I present to you the stunning gams of Post-Neanderthal German Cave Lady--check out these stems!
Anthropologists now believe that early humans experienced a genetic mutation or neurological leap that caused an explosion of language and culture.
The first sign of this explosion?
Curved figures.
What is it about curves that excite us so? I have ideas, but who cares. If it weren’t for curves, I wouldn’t go into my cave every day, carving away at more modern ivory sculptures. And you, gentle curve enthusiast, wouldn’t be here either, reading about the freaky gene that draws you to a curved form over a straight one, waiting patiently for some non-straight lines so that you can go about your day a bit more reasonably.
This curvy 6' beachbreak speed egg (mini Cigare Volant model, for those keeping score) is for NorCal stoker, bike and skateboard enthusiast, and talented writer/photographer Eric. It will be equipped with five bamboo fins, then unleashed on our not-so-gentle waters. He's just the man for the job, genetic mutation and all.


Cobber said...

I love reading your posts brother, and look forward to the next one. I think this latest may be the best yet. Keep 'em up. And the beautiful boards.

Cobber said...

Now that I think of it, the Selling the Couch post is my favourite.