The Undecider

Numbers scare the hell out of me. Want an example? 300. Terrifying number.
This is why I have a deep respect for Northcoast shredder and beard-growing enthusiast Chris, who chooses to remove numbers from his life entirely.
Chris wanted a board, but didn’t concern himself with the details. Our conversation went like this:
Me: What are you looking for?
Chris: Shaper’s choice.
Me: Glassing?
Chris: Have at it.
Me: (scrunching eyes with what-you-talkin’-‘bout-Willis-like suspicion) When do you need it?
Chris: Whenever.
With respect to Chris, I went for a shortish, wideish, thinnish little number that would like nothing more than a wave about yay-high--preferably with water temps hovering around just right.

Leslie's glassing is good.

The Darkness Knight

Local craftsman, father, and five-fin enthusiast Bobert probably surfed this morning. He most likely drove out to our local in the dark, paddled out in the dark, and and caught an excess of waves before the usual dawn crew squinted out at the ocean, cups of coffee cradled in their hands.
Surfing the predawn hours in our pinniped-rich waters requires equal parts stoke, denial, and chutzpah. Bob’s got an abundance of all three.
It also requires a big, white board—can you imagine losing your dark-colored stick in dark-colored water in the dark-colored morning in white shark territory?
Bobert’s 8’7 is designed for his immoderate morning rituals. Pulled in nose, thickness under the chest for hefty paddles in thick rubber, thinned tail for snap.
Five fingers of fun under the hood from master craftsman and all-around nice guy Marlin Bacon of 101Fin Co.
Normally, I'd say something like, "Watch out for Bobert and his new board blah, blah, blah," but it's pointless. This guy is out of the water, showered, and hard at work while we're still tucked under the covers, sleeping off our last Tecate, dreaming about the miracle of daybreak.

The Egg Man Cometh

All of my potential clients are subject to a grueling set of questions of the highest personal nature. They may, but are not certain to, include the following:
Name
Weight
Height
Why, according to Chinese Zen master Sozan, is the head of a dead cat the most valuable thing in the world?
What are your favorite twin cities, and why?
Which member of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee—current or past—do you most resemble?
Local aquatic shred enthusiast and fellow educator Paul nailed the early queries, citing Victor/Driggs Idaho as his preferred twin cities, as “the airport hot dogs are better than in Pocatello.”
His last question, however, gave me pause. Paul named California’s 30th district Representative Henry Waxman as his House Oversight Committee likeness.
To be honest, I don’t see it, believing Paul to carry a closer resemblance to Massachusetts’ 6th District Representative John Tierney.
You, sir, are no Henry Waxman

Regardless, Paul’s board was shaped—a snappy 6’4 egg with a 4+1 fin setup and foil, rocker, and bottom contour to excel in the steeper stuff. Red cedar stringer adds some flex and a bit of class.
Plastic from Lokbox, Fiberglass from Rainbow and True Ames, and rubber by Crocs--throw in a long period south swell and a country-cured ham and you've got yourself a little heaven on earth.

Otto Pilot

Otto relocated from Dusseldorf to Northern California ten years ago in pursuit of a different lifestyle. He found it, and now he cruises our coastline with the passion of a convert, his feet snug in a tube sock/Birkenstock combo.
He orders boards with a timeliness and regularity that would make a Swiss watchmaker clench his tiny fists in envy.
Our latest conversation went like this:
Me: “Hello?”
Otto: “I’m looking for zomesing to fill in z'oles.”
Me: “Z'oles?”
“Za holes!” he screeched (Otto will not be remembered for his patience). “Za holes in ze quiver!”
Once Otto quieted down, we set to the issue of the holes in his quiver, finally deciding upon z'yprofiche (the Hi-Pro Fish).
Z'yprofiche features a similar planshape to the contemporary keel, but the foil and rocker have more in common with the modern shortboard (dusty camera lens does not come with board).
A little extra curve in the tail, continuous outline, double concaves, and a quad setup should fill in z'oles nicely.
If Otto's rocking his his red jeans when he picks up the board, I'll snap some pics and post them on the blog. Wie erotisch!

The FrankenFiver Volant

Our Declaration of Independence holds certain truths to be immutable. It doesn't say much about surfboard design, which is a good thing, as mutability is a key facet to the board building process.
This seven-foot-something mutant is for NorthCoast shredhead, board mashup enthusiast, and former ponytail-sporter Brent, who wanted to combine the paddle and glide of the FrankenFish with the pocket-riding capabilities of the Cigare Volant.
The result is the FrankenFiver Volant, a Campbell Bros. inspired single-wing five finner with a few tweaks for our potent beachbreak surf.
Full board Hastings blue tint, pigment cigar band with Japanese-flag style logo inlay, gloss and polish from the talented hands of Leslie Anderson of Fatty Fiberglass.
There is nothing this lady can't do--you should try her ceviche next time you cruise by the Fattyshack!

Planes, Burros, and Automobiles

Shakespeare-enthused educator, adopter of pound animals, mountain-man-turned-Monterey-Bay-shredder, and San Francisco Giants diehard Kevin had a proposition for me when he picked up his board last month. After the requisite rail fondling and rocker sighting, he put the board gently down, cracked a fresh Tecate, and sat at my kitchen table. I knew what was coming.
“Instead of something impersonal, like cash, what do you say we work out a trade for my new sled?” he asked, smiling.
I didn’t flinch. “Nope.”
This happens quite often up here NOTB, where currency can take many shapes. So far this summer, I’ve been offered a ginormous bag of weed (declined), a live pig (declined), a to-scale hand-tooled Russian miniature train (declined), and two authentic WWI British Army helmets with a ginormous bag of weed on the side (declined).
Kevin’s smile widened. “So I guess a trip to Cabo would be out of the question?”
“Um.”
“Flight, car rental, hotel stay, and all food and drinks included?”
“Um...”
Kevin knew I was close to breaking. “First wave on my new longboard?”
(Lamination, sanding, Giants-inspired resin panels, and polish by Leslie Anderson)
So I did what any other wife-fearing, child-providing father would do in this situation: put the family on a direct flight to the grandparents and headed south with a diverse quiver, a backpack stuffed with fins, and a revitalizing lack of neoprene.
The mission was short but successful. Many waves were ridden, boards were put through their paces, smiles were in abundance, and the swell was unfailing. The only tension during our five day stay came from this over-curious mini-local:
Whether this burrito was a longboarder, a photo slut, or a Giants fan is anyone's guess, but after checking out the fresh foam, he wandered into the shade under a palapa and began eating someone's flip-flop. Way to regulate!

Blue ???day

One of the joys of being a teacher in the summertime is not knowing what the hell day it is. Bite me, nine-to-fivers!
This week's Blue ???day board comes via Ocean Beach surf enthusiast Hardy Danger, fresh from his Mexican honeymoon.
Faithful HHG readers may recall Hardy's inappropriate wedding night antics from a previous Blue Monday post. Seems he's gotten himself out of the doghouse and back into our chilly waters.
Is Hardy Danger an employee of the state? Nope.
Is he at all affiliated with coastal rescue, OB beach patrol, or lifesaving in general? Nope.
How he stealthed these photos is best left to the imagination.
This we do know, though: those 101FinCo bamboo quads indicate superior taste. Looks like they save lives, too!